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Wedding Dress Shopping Tips: The Cardinal Rule I Broke & Why It Was Worth It

Welcome to the next installment in Our DIY Wedding series.  To start at the beginning, click here.

Wedding Dress Shopping Tips: The Cardinal Rule I Broke & Why It Was Worth It by The Thinking Closet

When it came to wedding dress shopping, I broke a cardinal rule: I tried on dresses outside of my budget.  {Gasp!}  I know, I know.  I should have known better!

But you see, I was running out of time and energy.  I had already visited wedding dress shops in three different states and tried on so many dresses, that they all started looking the same. It was three-and-a-half months before our wedding, and I wondered if I’d be marching down the aisle in my birthday suit.

Finally, the tides changed.  In late March 2009, my Mom, sister, and I ended up at a not-for-profit bridal boutique in Manhattan called The Bridal Garden.  They sell designer dresses that have been once worn on runway models or store mannequins, so they were not sold at full price.  Keep in mind that though they were discounted, they were still designer…and out of my price range.

Nevertheless, desperate times call for desperate measures.  I tried on a few dresses, and one dress in particular felt really right.  As the shop girl zipped me up, I remember thinking,

“This is it!  This is the dress!”

Trying on wedding dress after wedding dress...until finally finding "the one!"

The funny thing is that this dress was far from what I had thought I wanted:

  • off-white instead of pure white
  • strapless instead of strappy
  • fancier instead of beachy casual
  • $200 more than I had budgeted…plus it would require $200 worth of alterations to take in the dress and add straps

But much like it was when Mark and I first started dating, when you know, you know.

So, after sleeping on it for a few days and shifting a few things around in our wedding budget, I hightailed it back into the city and purchased that one dress.  I may not have abided by that cardinal rule for budget-savvy brides, but in the end, I think I made the best decision for me and my picky self.  In fact, looking back through the photos of that special day, I know I did.

Moral of the story:

Sometimes there are exceptions to the rules, and in the end, you have to trust your gut.

Also, the extra money I spent went to a good cause because The Bridal Garden’s proceeds benefit education for disadvantaged children.  So, yes, it was definitely worth breaking that cardinal rule, doncha think?

The Dress on The Big Day

Here are some glimpses at the dress in action on July 18, 2009:

Wedding Dress Detail

The Big Day: My Dress in the Sunlight

Shoes on Stairwell - I added love notes to the bottoms of my shoes for a touch of whimsy.

Ah, the merry bridesmaids, helping with preparations.

Get me to the photo shoot on time!

Silk Flower Accent in Hair for a Beachy Wedding

Wedding Portrait on the Sand

Parasols make me smile!

If you’re a wild dancer, I recommend a dress with straps and a bustle for the reception!

Make sure that you can dance up a storm in your wedding dress!  Bustles help.

Details:

Ivory Double Gardenia Flower Hairclip purchased from Powder Blue Bijoux on etsy for $25 (now sold out – – but she has others listed).

White paper parasol purchased for $8…much like these from Save on Crafts (no affiliation).

My veil was my “something borrowed” from my Mom!

All professional photos by Emily Johnston.

The People Speak

I asked for your Wedding Dress Shopping Tips on Facebook and Twitter, and all I have to say is, “Where were you guys when I needed you 4 years ago?”  But seriously, y’all are a wise bunch.  And I’m deeeelighted to hopefully pass along your wisdom to others who can really use it!

So, here you have it:

YOUR Wedding Dress Shopping Tips!

STICK TO YOUR BUDGET GUNS!

“Set a clear budget, then follow your heart.” -Nancy

“Stay true to your budget and gut instincts.” -Christine from Decorum DIYer

“Don’t try on dresses that are outside of you price range, no matter how beautiful they might look or if you just want to see what they look like on you out of curiosity.  Pick a budget and stick to it.  When I bought my dress, I didn’t come in with a specific price range in mind. and I (well, my mom–thanks mom!) ended up paying about $800 more than I thought I would (but…sigh…it /was/ the perfect dress).” -Gabby from Essentially Eclectic

“You don’t have to spend big bucks to have a special day.  Props to the the UK couple who only spent $1.50 on their entire wedding (and that was for the dress).” -Carolyn

STAY OPEN TO DIFFERENT LOOKS

“Try on things that don’t seem like your style or what you had envisioned.” -Rachel from Lines Across

“Definitely try on things you wouldn’t have thought to try.  Sometimes the vision in your head doesn’t look as good as you thought it would, and every bride wants to feel and look her very best!” -Savanna Lea

“Have an open mind and try on everything, even if it doesn’t look good on the hanger.” -Christine from Decorum DIYer

“Be open to a style you wouldn’t have expected.  I ended up with a dress that was much simpler than I would have expected to choose.  And I also ended up buying a veil when I swore I didn’t want one.  But once I saw it on, I felt like a real bride!” -Emily from Two Purple Couches

BE PREPARED

“The first one CAN be the one!” -Trisha from Black & White Obsession

“I went home with the 2nd dress I tried on, from the first shop I visited.  No need to hunt high and low; I found the perfect dress on the first trip!” -Emily from Two Purple Couches

“Don’t be disappointed if you don’t cry when you find the right dress like they do on the show. It’s okay, and you will still look beautiful.” -Christine

“Your wedding dress does NOT have to be your most favorite dress that you have ever owned.  And you do NOT have to be at your most beautiful on your wedding day.  This does happen for many brides, but it’s tons of pressure and sets up really high expectations.  The day, not the dress, is ultimate.” -Becky

“Don’t panic if you buy a dress, love it, and then suddenly find yourself hating it once your tailor has cut it open. This actually happens a lot; most people don’t talk about it, though, because they’re supposed to be IN LOVE with their dresses. Press on; this is (most likely) temporary.” -Becky

“Research the store you are buying your dress from if you’re getting it at a bridal boutique. The designer that designed my dress stopped designing wedding dresses about 3 months after I purchased my dress. I happened to notice this on my own after a quick Google search, but the boutique didn’t bother to tell me. I was fortunate to be on very friendly terms with a sales rep there who pushed my dress up on the list to be shipped out. Had this not happened, she said I probably would not have ever gotten my dress OR a refund for it because the management of the boutique was greedy. The bridal boutique ended up going out of business a month after my dress was delivered. In the words of Dwight K Schrute: Crisis Averted. Narrowly!  So yeah, research your boutique before buying from it!”  -Gabby from Essentially Eclectic

THINK PRACTICALLY, PEOPLE!

“Choose a dress you can dance in and go to the toilet on your own!” -Zografia from Bisozozo

“Don’t buy a dress that HAS to be worn with heels. You might have something come up and be stuck in flats on the big day.” -Jennifer from Midnight Radio

“Always purchase a dress that’s larger. It is much easier to cut a dress down than to take it out.  (That said: seam allowances are your friend.)” -Becky

LET’S GET REAL

“Make sure the dress makes the bride look beautiful and enhance her figure, don’t just buy a beautiful dress. I am a church musician and have been singing at weddings for over 30 years.  I have seen many brides swallowed up by these big, ornate dresses.  You should notice how beautiful the bride is first and her dress second.” -Suzanne from Zanaree

“Take a friend you trust to tell you the truth (and listen to her!). Of course, it’s important for you to love the dress, but you want to still love it when you get your pictures back. I had to very aggressively talk one of my friends out of a dress she loved because it wasn’t flattering in the least, and I knew she was would hate it after the fact. The week of her wedding, she admitted she was glad I talked her out of her original dress.” -Becky

TOO MANY COOKS SPOIL THE POT

“Don’t bring everyone and their mother to try it on. Brides end up not listening to their instincts and listening to everyone else: well ABC bridesmaid wants a short dress, and XYZ bridesmaid wants sleeveless when really, SHE wants a long dress with straps.” -Cassie from With Wings & Roots

“Coming from someone who used to work in a bridal store, DO NOT bring everyone you know because all it does is cause you a bunch of confusion.  Keep it to a minimum: your mom, your best friend, and maybe one more at the most.” -Savanna Lea

“Only bring a few people with you!  Too many opinions = a very stressed bride!  I brought my mom, grandmother, and sister with me, and then after I picked out the dress, I brought back others to show them.  It worked out perfectly!” -Teresa from Crafty Wife

“Don’t bring anyone but your mom or your special female figure!  ‘Too many cooks spoil the pot!'” -Lori

“Buy what you love not what someone else loves. Even if someone says it doesn’t fit right, if it is beautiful to you, buy it.” -Lisa from A Bride on a Budget

SHOP OUTSIDE THE BOX

“If you are on a tight budget look in unconventional places. Stores like Nordstrom, Ann Taylor and J crew have had some surprisingly affordable options in past seasons and can save you a bundle when you consider the overselling that happens all too frequently in bridal shops.” -Kristine

“I agree with Kristine about shopping the sales. I found my dress at J.Crew and watched it online for a while. I got a $650 dress for $87.” -Kirsten from One Tough Mother

“Trunk shows are a great place to get designer dresses on sale! I got my dress half off at a trunk show.” -Gabby from Essentially Eclectic

“Don’t rule out eBay. I was able to afford my dream dress by getting it through ebay. It was a size smaller, but I switched the zipper back out and added a corset panel. It worked beautifully!” -Kristina from Please Excuse my Craftermath

“If you want a designer gown but it’s not in the budget, don’t rule out second-hand or once-worn dresses. Try eBay, or sites like NearlyNewlywed.com, Preownedweddingdresses.com or Oncewed.com.” -Jessica from The Budget Savvy Bride

“Check out eco designers like @LizStJohnDesign @ConsciousCloth1 @PureMagnolia1.” –Green Bride Guide

And Don’t Forget…

At the end of the day, the dress, the heels, the jewelry, the accessories…they don’t really matter.  At least, not in the grand scheme of things.  A wedding day is about so much more!  Let’s not forget that.

Thanks to everyone who offered their advice or input.  We can keep the tips rolling in the comment section; I want to hear your two cents!

And I’ll be back soon with “Preparations for a Destination Wedding,” so stay tuned!

{Linking up here.}

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43 Comments

  1. I loved reading your story Lauren, it feels like as if I’ve attended your wedding with you. You’re wedding dress is beautiful and you seem to be happy wearing it 🙂

  2. Love, the dress!!
    I bought my dress because my mom did not like it. Looking back, I still think it was the perfect dress for me! That was YEARS ago!!

    LeAnn

    1. So funny…yeah, I’ve got a rebellious streak, too, which surprises some people, but not my Mom. Lol. She is used to it by now, bless her heart.

      Glad you ended up with a dress that suited you well! I’m sure you were stunning, dahhhling.

  3. This dress was so worth it… You look so beautiful and happy in {and out} it =D. I think the most important thing is that you chose the one you felt it was for you. You know the story of mine I couldn’t even believe it was so cheap and I LOVED IT. i just love reading your stories because you really make me feel like I was there. Awesome!!!!

    XOXO
    Cami

    1. I have loved hearing your wedding stories along with mine, especially since I know we got married around the same time! Yet another thing that bonds us, Cami! And thanks for your oh so kind words. I’m glad to have you along for the ride as I take a walk down memory lane with this series. It’s SO much more fun with friends!

  4. Lauren,
    Wonderful advice! You looked beautiful and I love that you purchased from a non-profit. That would make things sit right with me for going over budget. Plus, your dress is just stunning!

    We just set our date on Friday so I have been totally looking at wedding stuff all weekend. I am trying to figure out what our budget is. Of course, I am going to blog about the whole adventure. While writing some of my initial thoughts, I totally remembered that you were doing a wedding series and popped over here to read some of them. Pinning this.

    Can’t wait to take you up that offer for a real cup of coffee with you. Hugs! <3 you!

    ~ Bethany

    1. Thanks, Bethany! I’m glad that if I did have to go over budget on the dress, it was put toward a worthwhile cause.

      Annnnnd, I am de-lighted to hear about your exciting news! Congrats on setting a date and making it official! Cannot wait to follow along on your wedding adventure on the blog; I’m sure I’ll be learning a lot from you and wishing I could go back and do it all over again! Ha ha. Oh, well. There’s an art to contentment, isn’t there? Must work on that!

      Hugs and cheers to you!

    1. You’re making me blush, Abby! Thank you for that high praise, friend. Ha ha. Yes, I’m thinking of things I’d like to try or do differently with a second go at wedding planning…so we’ll just have to live vicariously through sisters and friends!

  5. As one of those who went with you (probably most often) on your search for a wedding dress, I can verify that you knew what you wanted and were very picky. I’m so glad you went with your gut! I knew you could be trusted to know what was best and look at the great outcome! And the Bridal Garden was such a unique place and experience. I do wish such a place was available in more cities.

    All of the wedding dress advice is so interesting to see and read in one place.

    Being the same height and size of my mother when she made and wore her own wedding dress, I jumped at the chance to use hers–it kept my life simpler and I actually like the way her dress fit. I never really thought of another option. Did you know it was worn in a Vintage Fashion show this past summer by a young woman? I can no longer fit into it. 🙁

    Wedding dresses do take on a life of their own and carry with them so much meaning along with the material/fabric.

    Thanks for including my mention of the UK couple with the $1.50 wedding…and that was for the dress! To each her own! xxoo

    1. Thanks for coming along with me on all of those many trips to find a dress. It was a vicious hunt, but I’m so glad we didn’t give up – – and that I was able to find something that I really felt proud to wear. Thanks for always encouraging me to trust that gut!

      I love that you were able to wear your Mom’s wedding dress and embraced the simplicity of that decision; and that’s great that it got a third life this summer in the Vintage Fashion show! And don’t lament not being able to fit into it anymore; I doubt I could fit into mine, and it has only been four years. Aaack!

      “To each her own.” Indeed.

      1. “Third life” for my mom’s dress…sweet way to put it.
        I wonder how many “lives” your wedding dress will have? 🙂

        1. I know! Ya know, I was having wild thoughts lately of actually trying to sell it. Though, even just typing that is a bit scary to me! I loved that dress…but also realize that styles are going to change so much by the time any offspring might be able to use it, and I’m not sure it’s doing any good just sitting in that box not getting worn! We’ll have to chat…. 😉

  6. Beautiful dress (and bride)!! I’ve never heard of a not for profit bridal store benefiting children in need. What a wonderful idea. 10 years ago, my wedding dress ended up being the first one I tried on and it cost $300. I held onto it in my closet because I thought I “should” and now I have no idea what to do with it. I keep thinking I should make a quilt out of it, but just haven’t been brave enough yet to cut into it. Thanks for sharing your story with us!

    1. Aw, shucks. Thanks, friend! And yes, N.Y.C. does have some pretty unconventional and noteworthy non-profits like The Bridal Garden; you’ve gotta give them that!

      And way to go on finding a dress quickly and affordably! (Can you bottle some of that talent and send it my way?) I had grand plans to sell my dress on eBay, but I loved it so much, I ended up keeping it. It’s boxed up in my parents’ house in N.Y. right now. If I want to ever sell it, it’s probably now or never. Surely the style will be out of vogue in a few shakes of a lamb’s tail.

      And a wedding quilt sounds thrilling! I’d be scared to cut into it, too…maybe after you let your daughter play dress up in it a few dozen times, and spill a few cups of tea-time tea on it, it will feel less daunting.

  7. I’m nowhere near buying a wedding dress… (if the day ever comes, I’m gonna ask you again about this post!)
    But: Oh, your dress was/is SO beautiful! Awesome!

    And on that one pic under the pier you and Mark look so similar to two friends of me! Especially Mark and his face-expression, but also you, how you’re standing there. Fun!

    Have a great weekend!
    Love, Midsommarflicka

        1. Aw, thanks, girlies! And why not try on wedding dresses? Just because we’re big girls now, doesn’t mean we don’t like to play dress up! And you can consider it research well spent for the “someday” when you will need a white dress. For realzies. You just have to take me dress shopping with you. That’s my only condition! #frienddate

    1. Thanks, Midsommarflicka! I’m so touched that you see beauty in it as I did.

      And it made me chuckle to know that Mark and I reminded you of some of your friends! Harrah! We are your friends…just from afar. It is nice to know, though, that we look familiar to you. 😉

      Hope your week is off to a great start!

        1. Yes, I like thinking that way, too. My Dad would call it a God-incidence. (Similar to a coincidence, but with providential origins!) #onedaymore #youcandoit

  8. This makes me want to write about my dress. It was such a perfect, totally-not-me dress, and it was the polar opposite of what I was looking for. One of my sisters handed it to me as I was picking through the sales rack (some things will always be ingrained in me regardless of occasion) and said “Just put it on, and don’t argue.” I was, quite literally, breathless as soon as I put it on. It was THE dress. I still had a few more to try on & I sent them all back to the rack. There was no point. This was it.

    I’m loving this series you’re writing. Your wedding was gorgeous, and I’m glad you’ve decided to share it with all of us.

    1. Do it! Write about it! Ooo, I’d love to read more about your dress story, London. You’ve so piqued my interest here with your comment.

      Your sister was a wise woman. And how wonderful that you trusted her enough to try that one dress on. Do you have any photos of you in it on your blog? Eeska! I’m dying to see it now!

      And thanks for your encouragement with this series; it has been fun to take a look back, but it does take extra effort to dredge up those memories. If it’s this hard now after just four years, imagine in 40 years?! Yet another reason why I feel it’s important to document it sooner than later! 😉 Thanks for coming along for the ride, friend.

    1. Nicole, I’m delighted to know you enjoyed this post and gleaned some wisdom from these tips! Plus, thank you so much for your kind compliments…for me AND The Bridal Garden. Happy day to you!

  9. Every bride to be, should read this! I did not have the courage, like you , to visit many shops. I only visited one, tried on 2 dresses and chose the first of the 2. Most brides rent their dresses in Greece! Thank you for mentioning my advice!

    1. How interesting about brides renting their dresses in Greece. It makes sense, though! Especially considering most times, the dress only gets worn once! And ya know, although I’m glad I ended up with the dress I did, there is something appealing to me, though, about the simplicity of having just two options and choosing the one I prefer. I’m so picky, limitations like that are freeing to me!

      And thanks for offering your input, Zografia. It was my honor to include it.

  10. Lots of great advice here! I had so much fun shopping for our wedding dress. I ended up going a bit over my budget as well (how did that happen!?!?) – but I was so thrilled with it in the end.

    If I could add any advice, it would be: keep the memories, keep the veil, but don’t keep the dress.

    Clean it, sell it, and make space in the closet. You’re not going to wear it again (really, let’s be honest) and the likelihood that it will be an heirloom is slim. Let another bride get a deal and keep the photos.

    (I sold my dress and bought a camera with the proceeds. Best decision ever!)

      1. I should have listened to your advice 4 years ago, but now, my dress is sitting in a box in my parents’ house in N.Y. not doing much good. It’s so beautiful in mind, it should be worn! You’ve inspired me to consider selling it…maybe then I can buy that new DSLR/video camera I have my eye on. Hmmm…. You may be onto something here, Tara!

        And I love that you wrote “our” dress. I feel like that’s a good sign! You saw Mr. Suburble as an active party in your wedding planning process. Sometimes, our subconscious minds speak volumes, don’t you think?

  11. What a good post. What good advice! I am so glad all worked out with your wedding dress (that is gorgeous by the way!).

    My mom has saved her dress for me so that when i get married I will wear hers. At first I was actually kind of worried, really thankful!, but worried because i remember not liking the dress very much when she was married in it. But (as crazy as this may sound) i started praying about it as soon as I found out that she had been saving it for me. I didn’t wan to offend her and at the same time I really wanted to wear a dress that I liked and was comfortable in when I do get married (soon, right Brian!). And God is SO good! Only a few months ago my mom was like, “Hey, you know how I have been saving my dress for you? Well i pulled it out and it is less than modern. To be honest I am surprised that was the style. Anyways, you can totally cut it up and alter it! It would just mean the world to me if you used it.” WAHOOO! I thought! Know, i am really excited!

    …thanks for reading that really long-winded comment 🙂

    Also, I really like your blog. Also, you are beautiful. Also, have a great day!!

    1. Dusty, I loved hearing the story of your Mom’s wedding dress, of it’s “betrothal” to you, of your processing that fact, and of how she had an ah-ha moment that proves, yet again, our Moms are more in tune than we might think. And that God is more “on it” than we give Him credit for sometimes. How fun that you will get to re-imagine her dress into your own! Sounds like a really fun creative project to me. Ahem…Brian? Wanna get on that? 😉 Ha ha. J.k. All in good time….

      And keep the long-winded comments coming! You know I’m a long-winded gal myself, so it only makes me feel even more buddy-buddy with you than I already do.

      Also, you’re a gifted artist. Also, I think it’s marvelous you’re following a thread of a dream to start an etsy shop. I believe in you. Also, have a fantastic week!

  12. Your dress is/was simply gorgeous. The beading and the scalloped edges are to die for.

    Mine too was off white (not what I thought I wanted either). It actually made me appreciate a creamy color all the more, and the less than bright white was easier for the photographers to capture in all the crazy lighting situations. Some how it made my, by accident, tan seem even more tan haha.

    Kinda jealous you had a SECOND hand DESIGNER store within reach. Yeah that kinda magic doesn’t happen around here.

    Thanks for the shout-out on my odd advice!

    Much love,
    Trisha D.

    1. You’re too kind, Trisha! Thank you, m’dear. And thanks for the fun fact about off-white being easier to photograph than bright white…makes sense, though, come to think of it! (White balance and I are not close friends.) And I feel like there’s a story with your “by accident tan.” Do you have a post already written about it that I could indulge in perhaps? I love me a good accidental-tan story! 😉

      Yeah, the blessings of living just outside of N.Y.C. were a’plenty, and I probably didn’t even really appreciate it like I should have at the time. Moving to Columbus, OH after that was a bit of a rude awakening, though. Still, I loved our time in Ohio nonetheless; it offered charms and gifts that N.Y.C. never could. Okay, enough reminiscing. Time to wrap this response up!

      Love you and your “odd” advice. Keep it coming!

      1. Sometimes I wish I had a blog then to talk about the wedding but alas the marriage didn’t last so yay for happy accidents haha.

        But there’s not much to accident tan which was oddly right along with the accidental weight loss. So much planning (to do by oneself nonetheless) had me dropping pounds left and right. Shortly before the wedding I frequented the nearby beach to take some moments to de-stress from the overflowing plate- full-time summer [college] school, internship, overtime at work, planning two weddings (he was military and wasn’t sure if he’d make it home for the real wedding), and a cross country move. Well all those trips to the beach along with general I-want-to-be outside-instead-of-being-cooped-up-with-my-glue- gun had me more than golden brown by the time the wedding came around.

        Not much of a story, but some of my wedding photos made me look like I had really dark complexion.

        1. I was terrified of looking orange in my photos (because I’ve seen too many brides with the fated orange-spray-tan look), so I did the tanning bed for a only a few minutes, however, it was enough to turn my golden blonde highlights WHITE blonde! Eek! I went back to my hairstylist the next day, and she fixed ’em, but for a moment there, I thought I was going to look like the Bride of Frankenstein on my wedding day. Ha ha. What’s a wedding without a few “accidental tan” or “accidental weight loss” or “accidental hair whitening” stories?! 😉

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