Home » Tips & Tricks » 10 Lessons I Learned from Planning My Own Wedding

10 Lessons I Learned from Planning My Own Wedding

10 Lessons I Learned From Planning My Own Wedding

Today marks a year and 12 days since I first kicked off Our DIY Wedding Series.

We’ve already established that I’m a perfectionist…and of course, I had initially planned to share this grand finale post on our five-year-wedding anniversary 12 days ago on July 18th.  But when you’re in the midst of directing a musical about grace, it turns out you’re more likely to give yourself grace.  And so I did.  And here we are.  One year and 12 days from the series start.

You all have made fantastic companions for this look back at Our DIY Wedding by the Sea…and in truth, you’ve been the least expensive wedding guests a bride could ask for!  {Snicker snicker.}  But seriously, thanks for being more than just an audience, but true supporters of Mark and me in our marriage.  We really do feel the love.

Now, I thought it would be fitting as the last post in this series to do a bit of reflecting back on the lessons I learned through the roller-coaster ride of planning my own wedding.  And what a loop-de-loop it was!

Am I glad I did it?

Heck yes.

Would I do it all over again if I could?

Heck no.  Once was enough for me!

Do I think you should plan your own wedding if you’re excited about it or need to save some money?

Heck yes!

And to help those of you on the eve of your own wedding or helping a family member or friend, I have compiled a list of…

10 Lessons I Learned from Planning My Own Wedding

10 Lessons I Learned From Planning My Own Wedding.  Hindsight is 20/20, right?  So, if you can learn from my mistakes and takeaway from my tips, my hope is that you'll be able to truly enjoy the planning process and remember with fondness your special day.

Actually, some of these are just plain ole good life lessons…and ones I’m continuing to learn 5 years later.  May they help eliminate some of your stress and minimize those bridezilla moments, so you can throw up your arms and scream with joy on the ride down the track.

New VIDEO!

Update one year later….

In honor of our 6th wedding anniversary, I actually dedicated two live Periscope broadcasts to chatting through these 10 lessons.  Enjoy watching the replays as you read through the post below!

Lesson #1.  Focus on accomplishing what only you can do, and try to delegate the rest.

Although my tendency is to “do all the things” because A) they’re fun and B) I don’t want to burden others, that often results in burn-out…and fast.

So, don’t be afraid to enlist the help of your friends and family members – – especially your wedding party and your groom!  Not only will it be a huge relief for you not to worry about those things, but I’ve learned that it’s a gift to others to entrust them with part of the wedding planning.

Creative Save the Date idea!
Mark took responsibility for designing our “Save the Dates,” which was one less thing for me to worry about and a great way for him to help with the wedding prep even though we were long distance!

Lesson #2.  Decide what is most important to you, and be willing to compromise on the other things.

We really learned this lesson when it came to securing our wedding venue.  As you may recall from the post written by my sweet parents, 7 Tips for Finding a Wedding Venue, we really wanted our wedding on or by the beach in Ocean Grove, N.J.  However, we were able to find a venue just a few towns north in a beautiful beach setting with a fair price.  We even got creative and planned a wedding after-party on the beach in Ocean Grove for later that night.

So, ultimately, our dream did come true…just in different ways than we expected.  And in truth, it turned out even better this way!

Wedding After-Party
Snapshot from Our Wedding After-Party in Ocean Grove, NJ

Lesson #3.  Not everything needs to be D.I.Y.

I know that one of my mottos is, “Why buy when you can D.I.Y?”  And I stand by that for most things.

However, there are some things, especially when wedding planning, that are worth outsourcing.  Prime example: our wedding invitations.  I insisted on designing, printing, and assembling them myself, and it resulted in the tragic-then-but-funny-now Great Wedding Invitation Disaster of 2009.  {Turns out you can’t beat a printing press.}

So, definitely consider whether the D.I.Y. is worth your time and energy before launching in!

Letting Krylon Preserve It work its magic on my DIY wedding invitations.
The Great Wedding Invitation Disaster of 2009

Lesson #4:  Simplify wherever you can.

For every good idea, ask, “Is there a way that this could be a bit simpler?”  Especially when you’re D.I.Y-ing; little simplifications can save a lot of time!

And this is a lesson my dear friend and bridesmaid Becky reminded me of.  We realized after hours and hours of assembling our D.I.Y. place-cards that we could have saved significant time by printing directly onto a matte cardstock and choosing either the sand dollar or starfish instead of both…or being content with a random display.  Our place cards alternated sand dollar and starfish, which meant we had to alphabetize the place-cards as we were making them.  Sorry, Becky!

Seashell Place Cards: Perfect for a beach wedding. Makes a great souvenir for wedding guests, too!
Starfish and Sand-Dollar Place Cards from Our DIY Wedding Reception

Lesson #5: Don’t get lost in the details and lose sight of the spirit you want to create.

Here’s the truth: no one is going to remember whether or not your napkins were monogrammed or if you served pasta with red sauce or white.  Well…maybe your Aunt Margaret will bring up the red sauce allergy at Christmas every year.  But besides her, no one will remember or care.

Instead, what people will remember is the spirit of your wedding weekend.  And the ways you made them feel welcome.

So, put that in your wedding pipe and smoke it!

10 Ways to Make Your Wedding Guests Feel Welcome. DIY Wedding Planning Tips via thinkingcloset.com
10 Ways to Make Your Wedding Guests Feel Welcome

Lesson #6.  Things always take longer than you think they will.

For some reason, I’m still struggling to learn this lesson five years later as evidenced by the fact that I am incapable of arriving anywhere without being at least five minutes late….

But I really wish we had allotted more time for our pre-ceremony events like hair and makeup, our photo shoot on the beach, and caravanning to the venue.  Things were rushy-rushy-rushy, and we definitely could have stood for a few extra hours of margin to help everybody breathe a little deeper.  Especially me!

When in doubt, overestimate how long everything will take…and you’ll probably be right on schedule.  And that never hurts.

Get me to the photo shoot on time!
5 Tips for a Successful Wedding Photo Shoot

Lesson #7.  If you’re the bride, try to avoid being the wedding planner on the day of the wedding.

This was a hard one for me to adopt, control freak that I am, but thankfully, after a gentle reminder from my sister-in-law Jodi right before our ceremony, I was able to let go of the TO DO list and actually slow down enough to be present.

It really helped to have a maître d’ at our venue who helped move things along at the reception, plus friends in charge of sending people down the aisle, DJ-ing, emceeing etc.

And while I think I did a good job of dividing up various roles among a variety of people, I wish I had designated one person to be the “coordinator” of it all that day–one point-person that everyone could report to when issues came up.  Ya know, someone to rip the bride’s planner from her white knuckles, so she can get out of planning mode and fully enjoy the day!

Our DIY Wedding Reception: Dear friends playing the role of DJ and emcee!
Our DIY Wedding Reception: Dear friends playing the role of DJ and emcee!

Lesson #8: Try to be present three different times during the ceremony.  That way, it doesn’t pass you by.

I actually dedicated an entire post to this lesson, so you can read it in full HERE.  But this was some sage wisdom from my college theatre professor that I am so thankful I took!  And I trust you will be, too….

Our DIY Wedding Ceremony: Walking down the aisle....
Present Moment #1: Walking Down the Aisle

Lesson #9: When things get chaotic, retreat to “the bubble.”

I talked a lot about “the bubble” in the post on 5 Tips for a Successful Wedding Photo Shoot, but this was really great advice passed on to us by one of Mark’s friends from residency.  And it’s one we put into practice throughout our wedding day.

There will be a lot going on, and at times, it’ll get crazy.  When it does, rather than getting lost in the mayhem, let your entourage deal with the chaos while you retreat to the imaginary “bubble” that surrounds you and your partner.

It’s just the two of you.  And nothing can infiltrate that bubble.  Just lock eyes and remember at the end of the day, all that matters is that you’re married.  And all the chaos will wash away.

How to Have a Successful Wedding Shoot: 5 Tips for the Bride & Groom via thinkingcloset.com
Retreating to “The Bubble” at Our Pre-Wedding Photo Shoot

Lesson #10: Laugh through the hiccups.

It’s really not a matter of if things will go wrong, but when.

Whether it’s ink smudging on your invitations, or being late to your own ceremony, or an airplane flying by advertising “Toe Fungus” remedies as you get pronounced “man and wife” {true story}…just be prepared for it.

In fact, a friend told me to expect 3 major things to go wrong on your wedding day.  That way, when they do happen, you won’t get derailed.  Instead, you can try to maintain a healthy perspective about it all…laugh it off..and enjoy the ride with its ups and the downs.

And trust me, they’ll make really great stories one day.

Our DIY Wedding Reception by the Sea: A Party to Remember...especially thanks to the rockin' dance floor!
Laughter is good medicine.

Thanks

I’d be remiss if I didn’t take a moment to thank the many people who not only made our wedding day possible, but who offered me extensive help behind-the-scenes of this blog series.  First of all, thanks to Emily Johnston, our Wedding Photographer who captured our wedding weekend so beautifully.  All of the un-watermarked photos are hers!

And a huge thanks to my Mom, Dad, Lisbeth, Becky, and Mark.  Together, they helped me brainstorm ideas for this series, get my facts straight, collect photos and memorabilia, and even helped write portions of posts…and one entire post in particular!  Really, when I say “Our” DIY Wedding, the “our” included so many treasured souls who helped make it happen.  It takes a village to plan a wedding!

Series Table of Contents

To help make future navigation around the 12 posts in this blog series as easy as possible, I created a landing page with a Table of Contents and clickable thumbnails for each post, as well as links to a few of my wedding-related crafts.  It’s a great page to PIN to save it for future reference!  (If you ever get hitched someday or know someone who might…so yeah, do you see what I did there?  That pretty much covers all of you lovelies!)

Click HERE to visit the Series Table of Contents.

And now, with a raise of my sparkling cider, and a Gatsby-esque grin, I salute you, dear reader.  And thank you one last time for coming along on this magical ride.

Cheers!

 

{Linking up here.}

signature

| |

11 Comments

  1. I will be getting married in 2018 thanks for sharing! This will help me out a lot also with a lot of prayer too!

    1. Ha ha, I can relate, Mikéla! “DIY all the things!” was my mantra, too. But I think if you carefully pick and choose a few elements to DIY first, you can always add more later if you have the time and energy. But certainly don’t feel guilty if you ask others for help or end up making a few purchases. I think it can be worth the sanity in the end! Happy wedding planning!

      1. HI < I really enjoyed your article. Thank you for sharing your best advice. I am starting to help my daughter plan her wedding and your ideas have been very helpful. It has been 30 years since my wedding and I was a stressed out wackadoodle on that day and I feel like I really wasn't present in the moment. We have decided to use a wedding coordinator so we don't have to worry about the details and problems on the big day. My best advice for brides who may be wearing a vintage or family heirloom in the wedding to re sew all the seems in the dress. I wore my mothers wedding dress(which was always a dream I had) and the 35 year old threads did not hold up the best! Luckily I was organized enough to have a small sewing kit along just in case "someone"
        needed a little repair. Never expecting it to be me! In the end what seemed to be a disaster at the time has turned into a humorous story all these wonderful years later~!

  2. I love this, especially #7. I can totally understand why someone wouldn’t want to spend the money on a coordinator for the day-of, but I think it’s one of the best investments a bride could make. Also, I love how you said not everything has to be DIY. I stood in a wedding recently where the bride made just the table numbers and you could tell she was exhausted just thinking about the work she had to keep doing. When it was all over she did say how much work they were. They were cute, but I don’t think anyone would’ve noticed if they hadn’t been homemade. I think it’s important to relax during wedding planning AND the ceremony. Otherwise it creates a stressful environment for everyone involved. Great post! Stopping by from Do Tell Tuesday!

  3. I really loved this series so much – thank you so much for sharing your special day with us! I enjoyed most that you and Mark look so happy throughout the entire process, and that is really heartening! Will definitely be referring back to this someday (hopefully!).
    Big hugs!

  4. Wow, I can’t believe this blog series is over. 🙁 It’s the end of an era. This was SUCH a great post, sis. I can definitely learn from your lessons…it’s hard for me to delegate, but it’s so important to do so and remember my limitations as a human. And I loved the reminder to simplify. My tendency is to think more is better, but often sweet and simple is best (process and product-wise). Your wedding day was AMAZING with great stories, as you said, and lots of love. I’m so grateful I was able to be there on that day to support you. Happy 5 years and many more! XO

  5. Awww….you are most welcome, dear one! You were the wedding planner-extraordinaire and your team couldn’t have done it without you…and (of course) the Master Planner…the One who is even now planning a wedding feast beyond what any of us could imagine!

    Thank you for summarizing these wonderful lessons-learned to benefit others, in addition to helping all of us remember this marvelous, magical ride of your and Mark’s DIY wedding! Wishing you and Mark a Happy 5th (plus two weeks or so) Anniversary! The best is yet to come!!! Love you both beyond measure!

  6. Great post and series! My husband and I got married back in 2008 in a beach wedding also….we did a just-the-two-of-us thing in Jamaica, so I didn’t have to deal with a lot of what you had to (like fretting over the place cards since we didn’t have any!), but I couldn’t agree more with you about Lesson #8 especially. I definitely had to remind myself to stop and be in the moment because lordy, does your wedding day fly by! And kudos to you for rocking a veil on a beach! It was too windy for me to wear one. Once again, great tips here!

Your comments make my day!

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *